Where oh where has my patience gone?!? These days, I am struggling to remain patient in many situations and it's driving me crazy. I'm usually a very patient person, but I think the recent lack of sleep has finally caught up to me. I find myself getting irritated by the most unimportant things and I'm beginning to resent myself for it.
One of my biggest issues is remaining patient when I am disciplining Bella. Her latest "trick" is climbing onto the coffee table. This drives me crazy because I'm afraid she's going to fall and she's smudging my usually perfectly polished coffee table. Obviously her safety is my #1 priority so I try to address it quickly. I ask her to get down and if she doesn't, I physically remove her from the table. This usually makes her giggle and at that point, my patience is slowly lost. The fact that she thinks it's funny drives me CRAZY! Climbing on the table is not a game and if she were to fall, she could really injure herself. Why can't a 22-month-old child realize this risk?!?
During a play date today, I found myself being "that mom." I felt like I was constantly correcting Bella for the slightest infraction. I even put Bella in time out when she threw one of Connor's toy for no apparent reason. For some reason, I can be especially impatient when we are in public. I don't want to ruin anyone else's good time because my child is acting out. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I do. I don't like to be around poorly behaved children and I assume that most other (normal) people share this sentiment. Why can't a 22-month-old child behave like a perfect angel, all the time?!?
I probably sound like the most ungrateful mother in the entire world. But the truth is, I am blessed to have a child like Bella. She is well-behaved (usually), intelligent, compassionate, caring, loving, funny, happy, healthy and she is mine. Most mothers don't have it as easy as I do and I should really try to be grateful for such an amazing child. I am beyond grateful to have Bella in my life and I can't imagine life without her.
This leads me to expectations. Apparently I expect myself to be the perfect parent and I expect Bella to be the perfect child... all the time. This couldn't be a more unrealistic expectation for either of us. We are both perfectly imperfect and I need to accept that. Having unrealistic expectations only leads to disappointment and why should I set such unrealistic expectations for myself and Bella. I mean, I'm only human, so I'm bound to lose my patience every now and then. It's how I handle the situations is what counts. If Bella behaves poorly (at home or in public) I need to be patient and realize that she is only 22-months-old. She doesn't know any better and I need to take the time to model better behavior for her. I will try to set more realistic expectations for us and accept that fact that we will both make mistakes... after all, we're only human.
Each day is a new day and I'm hoping that I can put some effort into my new outlook. I hope that tomorrow my patience is restored... at least a little. Again, I can't set unrealistic expectations for myself and I need to cut myself a little slack. Any little bit of patience that is restored will be a blessing and for that, I will be grateful.
Ian, Kim, Bella & Baby #2