Empty

For the past two days I've had an empty feeling inside of me. It's a brand new year, but I still feel very much attached to 2011. It probably has a lot to do with the two deaths I experienced in December and the fact that I am still very much in mourning. In all honesty, I am not ready to move on.

I know that grief has several stages and I eagerly await the day when I can accept the deaths of my god father and my beloved dog. My god father was an incredibly special person to me and I miss him every day. In comparison to Uncle Mickey's death, it seems almost silly to be so upset over Riley passing away. I know it seems silly to the average person to be in mourning over the death of a dog, but to me it's not. He was a part of our lives and perfectly completed our family.

I hope to find some closure soon, but until then, I continue to feel an emptiness in my heart. Unfortunately I think I am in the very beginning stage of grief and that is denial. In my mind, we will visit Aunt Laurie and Uncle Mickey, just as we always have. In my mind, when we come home, Riley will be excessively barking like he always does. But Uncle Mickey won't be there and Riley won't be there. How can this be? Surely this is all some kind of bad dream...

Fortunately I am not going through all this alone. Ian is right there with me. I find some comfort in knowing that I am not alone in this. Together, we will grieve and get through this.

Love always,
Ian, Kim, Bella & Baby #2